Depression and last minute stuff

Depression sucks. I hate this...I want it to just leave. Anyone who's never suffered thru depression might not fully gasp that it's not something one can help. There's no switch to flip it on or off. It just comes and takes over. Alot of times there's not even a trigger that sets it off.

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On a brighter note, all of my Christmas shopping is done. We're broke, but it's done.

My parents will be in Nashville, TN by Saturday. We're planning on meeting them there to extend our visit with them. We'll be back here on Sunday.

On the downside, I haven't finish wrapping presents or finished grocery shopping for company.

However, the living room is now vacuumed. I should be cleaning instead of typing. But we all know how much I love to clean. Yeah, not so much. Sassy come clean my house for me. I could use your company anyway. Nikki...same for you. Whenever you're not busy call me.

While I feel stress from not getting everything done, I know things will work out. They always do. Somehow, some way they just turn out...even if not exactly as planned.

Last moms group event that I plan on attending until after Christmas is tonight. Group meeting. Tonight should be fun in a way. White elephant exchange. I can't decide if I want to give a bottle of wine w/ a charm or a $20 gift card for The Melting Pot. Shhh, don't tell them.

9 YEARS!

Yesterday my husband & I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. It was good. Our oldest daughter (14) babysat her 2 younger siblings while we went to dinner. We went to the Melting Pot in St. Louis. Had a nice little both meant for just two. Dinner was great. The chocolate was even better.

We ended up buying $50 worth of gift certificates...which doubled their value. I haven't decided what exactly we'll be doing with those yet. The proceeds go to the childrens hospital.

I'm looking forward to the next 50 years with my wonderful hubby!

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The dogs are driving me crazy. Which isn't a far drive. Edward is barking constantly. I need to figure out how to get him to shut up. Yesterday both dogs got out when I thought someone was at the door. The ran all over the entire frigging neighborhood. I swear they were grinning as they ran yelling "I AM FREEEEE AT LAST!!!!" Turds!

We've decided to have them both fixed instead of trying to breed them. I have learned the hard way that raising two dogs at a time is alot harder than just one puppy. Hmmmm, would have thought that might be common sense, huh? Nope, not me...gotta do it the hard way.

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Hubby starts his new job on the 22nd. He's super excited about the change. Whatever makes him happy and there's still a paycheck coming in. :)

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My parents are coming here for Christmas this year. I'll get excited about it when I see them in my living room. We're going to meet them in TN on Saturday the 20th to extend our visit with them. Hopefully, I'll get everything done that needs to be done before hand. Something tells me it won't all get done. I'll just have to keep telling myself...THIS IS FINE, TOO!

I'm pretty much done with all my Christmas shopping. I haven't even begun wrapping stuff yet. Add that to my list of things to do. I have last minute stocking stuffers and ornaments that I need to buy. I found an ornament for my stepdaughter the other day. It's a pretty horse. Now I just need one for each of my 3 kids. I'll have to stop being so picky.

I need to make a list of things to do.

• Clean kids rooms. I'm not going to clean the kids rooms until after tomorrow. We're having a family poker night at our house...so no need to clean when their rooms will be destroyed again.


• Reorganize Kitchen


• Grocery Shopping for holidays


• Finish last minute shopping


• Returns


• move couch to garage


• move trundle bed to downstairs den. (grandmother will be here)


• clean bathrooms, again


• finish laundry (never ending)


• give dogs another bath before leaving for TN


• change sheets on all the beds, again


• wrap presents

I'm sure the list continues.

That doesn't include stuff that will be squeezed in between all that. Like Katie's band concert on Sunday. Stuff within the moms group, etc.

Breathe....

1st entry

First entries are always the hardest. I've had numberous blogs. The only one I've ever stuck with for any given time was on Open Diary. But lost my way there as well. I've also tried Live Journal, Word Press, and several others I can't even remember the names of.

I chose the name brokenshutterbug because of a few reasons. It's the name I used on word press. Broken because my insides feel broken most of the time. Depression seeps in and tries to take over whether there's a reason to be depressed or not. ShutterBug because I used to love taking pictures. I used to love sharing the pictures I'd take. Somewhere along the way I lost contact with my inner self and stopped snapping pictures.

I'm learning to love/like myself again. My kids and hubby love me unconditionally. While I love them the same way...I'm harder on myself. Probably harder than I should be. Therefore I'm a work in progress.

When I write, I usually write what's on my mind. The Good, the bad, and the ugly. It eventually comes pouring out as I type without holding back. When things are "bad" I write and cuss a lot (there you've been warned). Such as dealing with one of our ex's or events within our blended family. Lately, when I type I've held back. Not anymore.

This is me, take it or leave it.